Dear fatkini manufacturers…

I’ve ranted about this before, but I’m going to rant about it again, because summer is coming up and I really, really want to find a fatkini. I’ve read so much about the transformative power of going out in public with your belly showing, and I want to experience that. I want to feel the sun on my squishy, stretch-marked belly. I want to say, “This is my body, and it’s a bikini body!”

Last year, I tried one of Gabi Gregg’s Swimsuits for All bikinis, hoping that maybe maybe a halter top would work for me…but no. Even tied loosely, the halter hurt my neck; tied tightly, it still didn’t give enough support. And no matter how I tied it, there was imminent boob-escapage. So I returned it, and I’ve been on the hunt for a non-halter fatkini ever since.

I’m still looking. Jess Baker just posted a roundup of 18 fatkinis, many of which are really cute…and 16 of which are halters.

In both her list, and my searches around the plus size internet, the only alternative to halter tops seems to be tops with built-in underwires. I’d be willing to give them a try, but I have a feeling they wouldn’t be comfortable on me either–I don’t even wear underwire bras. I just hate having pokey things poking me.

Why won’t anyone make a fatkini with a mesh bra-like thing, which is what my one-piece has? I don’t know what’s it’s actually called, but it’s comfortable and reasonably supportive. I love, love, love my one-piece:

(It’s by a brand called Longitude Women’s, and my mom found it at either TJ Maxx or Marshall’s, in case anyone is looking for something similar.) Seriously, I wish someone would just make a bikini that’s exactly like my one-piece, but without the middle. How hard can it be?

Monday links, 4/21/14

Fa(t)shion
-Sara rounds up gorgeous chunky sandals (which are exactly what I’d be wearing if I could find some that fit me!)
–A plus size swimwear resource list.
-I’m always on the lookout for shops that sell tutus, and I just found 1583 Designs, which makes tutus of various colors (including ombre patterns!) in custom sizes.
-A list of size 4X ModCloth items that actually fit like a  28/30.
-I love this colorful shoot featuring some awesome purses.

Fat Acceptance
-Lindsey Averill writes about why she’s making a documentary about fatness.
–How to actually stop stigmatizing obesity.
-A great comic about being fat and proud.
-If you’re in L.A., check out this awesome-looking fat burlesque, drag, and hoop-dancing show!
-The lesbian magazine Curve Magazine‘s latest issue, the Body Issue, is full of fabulous fatness. I bought a copy at a local bookstore, and I seriously want to put every other page up on my wall. It includes an interview with Mary Lambert, a blurb on Gisela Ramirez’ “F*ck Flattering” shirt, a piece about the intersection of being fat and a queer POC, a feature on Size Queen Clothing and Rowdy Baubles jewelry, and so much more.
-Chicagoans, check out the new Body Positive Chicago community.
–We are not smarter than hunger.
-Tori writes about what she learned at the Body Love Conference. You can also see some pictures of the conference here.
-Ragen takes apart that ridiculous Feminist Wire piece that I ranted about here.

This woman’s style is amazing. I wish I could find similar clothing in my size!

Happy Easter! Today’s links roundup will be postponed until tomorrow.

Pretty flowers I saw recently at Trader Joe’s

Happy Easter to those who celebrate, happy end-of-Passover to my fellow Jews, and happy spring to everyone in the Northern hemisphere!

I’ve been having a wonderful weekend of casual interfaith hanging-outage. Last night, I had a few friends over for a “seder” that involved mostly eating chicken soup and matzoh balls (which my friend Sam made using her mom’s recipe!), ordering Chinese, and watching The Prince of Egypt. And now I’m about to head to my local park for an Easter egg hunt organized by another friend, to be following by general frolicking and dinner.

I haven’t had time to put together this week’s links post, so I’ll put it up tomorrow (which is a holiday here in Massachusetts anyway).

#PlusSizePlease: an awesome new fatshion activism idea, which I tried out on Desigual

Yeah, no.

A few days ago, Curvily posted a great idea for fatshion activism: take pictures of clothes you’d buy if they came in your size, and post them to social media with the hashtag #plussizeplease.

And then yesterday, I walked past the Desigual store in Harvard Square that always makes me sad. Desigual is a Spanish brand that makes gorgeous, colorful, multi-patterned clothing–I found them through Already Pretty and fell in love.  But their sizing only goes up to L or XL in some styles, and XXL in others (which isn’t even plus sized, because they run so small–Sal mentioned here that she wears a size 8 in most clothing, but she wears an L or XL in Desigual.)

This time, the window display didn’t just make me sad–it made me angry. They had the nerve to put up a sign that said “Desigual for everybody,” with the full knowledge that their clothes don’t fit the majority of American women’s bodies. So I tweeted, “.@Desigual_USA Disappointed by this sign–it’s not “for everybody,” only bodies size 14 and smaller. #plussizeplease” If you want to see their clothes in plus sizes too, consider letting them know.

All of these in size fat, please:

Desigual clothes that should come in plus sizes by lrock212 on Polyvore

 

(And yes, I know their stuff is expensive. To be honest, if it did come in my size, I would be much more likely to buy it on eBay than directly from them. But if they decided to start making plus sizes, and if I had the money at the time, I’d definitely buy a new item or two to show them my support. And I feel like buying their clothes in eBay supports them indirectly, because the clothing still came from them at some point–and there wouldn’t be so much available for resale if they weren’t a popular brand to begin with.)

Wednesday Fa(t)shion Inspirations, 4/16/14

The Scribble

Idiosyncratic Fashionistas

Awesome fat-related projects that need your support

I mentioned two of these in my latest Sunday links post, but I’m posting again because I’m excited (and in case anyone missed them)! Whether or not you can donate, please consider passing them along on social media.

1.) Fattitude: a Body Positive Documentary (pictured above)

This one looks amazing–it features so many kick-ass activists, from Marilyn Wann to Sonya Renee to Virgie Tovar to Linda Bacon. And it’s so, so needed. The more we can get out the message that all bodies are good bodies, that there’s nothing wrong with being fat, that it’s entirely possible to be both fat and happy (and healthy, whatever that means to you, if you want to prioritize health), the better.

2.) Fat Yoga Online Classes

This is also so needed! Personally, I’ve never had a problem going to yoga classes–even when I’m the fattest person there, which is often, I’ve never been treated poorly by the teacher or other students. In fact, I’ve had some pretty amazing teachers who are encouraging, give tons of modifications, and are all-around accepting. But I know I’m lucky, and that fat stigma can be a huge barrier to access to yoga for many people.

And even though I do enjoy taking yoga classes at various local studios, there’s something special about doing yoga with a group of people who look like me, in an explicitly body-positive atmosphere, and with teachers who give modifications specifically tailored to fat bodies. That’s what Fat Yoga will provide virtually.

3.) SometimesBeautiful Book

SometimesBeautiful is “a celebration and contemporary analysis of the notion of beauty, defined by a selection of over fifty artists, primarily women, spanning the globe from New York, Philadelphia and Los Angeles, Berlin, Milan and Paris to Amsterdam, Seoul and Transylvania.”

Although it is not solely fat-focused, it contains contributions from fat activists such as Virgie Tovar, Amanda Levitt, and Golda Poretsky. I would love to see their work and the work of the other contributors!

Boston, you’re my home <3

Today is the one-year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings. To be honest, I’ve had a lot of other stuff on my mind lately, so I haven’t been thinking about it that much, but I’ve read a few things that I want to pass along.

My friend Emily writes a wonderful tribute to Boston.

Laura at RevEverett asks, “Which Boston is #BostonStrong?” She points out that some lives are invisible, the violence against them expected and ignored–and that we need to remember them and see their humanity.

If you’re a dog-loving Bostonian like me, you’ll be happy to hear that the Comfort Dogs, who visited Boston after the bombings, will be coming back this weekend. They’re such sweet, loving animals.

The little pup pictured above is Isaiah, who was only five months old at the time. He’s gotten so big since then, as you can see on his Facebook page (yes, I “like” all of the Comfort Dogs on Facebook–it means my newsfeed is filled with adorable doggie pictures!). These pictures are all Instagram-filter-y because my camera had just broken, and I really wanted to get pictures of the dogs, so I ended up buying a disposable camera. So old-school, I know!

We look back, and we look forward (a post about inter-generational fatness that turned into so much more)

This is a picture of my paternal grandfather with his brother and parents in Krakow, Poland sometime around 1930. I came across it while looking through a treasure trove of old family photos at my grandmother’s house.

I know where my body shape comes from.

I mean, I already knew–there are plenty of fat/chubby/in-betweenie people on both sides of my family. But it’s amazing to see visual evidence of how far back it goes, contrary to the popular belief that “obesity” is a newfangled invention of modern society, that everyone was thin in some idealized heyday before TV and fast food.

It’s just amazing to see my own body looking back at me from nearly a century ago.

To see how the threads of history, of family, weave through us and tie us together.

This was my first, uncomplicated reaction when I saw the photo.

What’s harder to tangle with, and to write about–even though I know it in my bones–the fact that my grandfather’s parents didn’t make it out of Europe alive. My grandfather and his Irish-twin brother (born a year apart on the same day) escaped and found each other in America years later.

Sunday links, 4/13/14

Chilling with my friend Napoleon, the Dark Feline Lord of Somerville. (He may look diabolical in this picture, but he’s actually a total sweetheart!)

(I accidentally scheduled this post for Monday instead of Sunday…oops!)

Fa(t)shion
–A bra-shopping guide for trans women.
–ASOS Curve now has wide fit shoes! Huzzah! Their selection is small, but I hope it will expand.
–This fiber optic dress is awesome.

Fat Acceptance
–Fattitude: A Body-Positive Documentary looks amazing. Check out their Kickstarter, donate if you can, and signal-boost!
-I love these shirts, bumper stickers, and magnets that say “My only weight problem is your problem with my weight.”
-Another awesome fat project on Kickstarter: fat yoga online classes.
-A response to a troll’s statement that “wheezing around the block” doesn’t count as exercise.
-Shannon writes about the assumptions people make about her (unintentional) weight loss, and why they’re wrong.
-The Fat Nutritionist clarifies what she’s saying and what she’s not saying, and all I have to say is YES YES YES.
-More brilliance from the Fat Nutritionist: a Storify of her tweets in the #notyourgoodfatty tag.
-Dr. Deah interviews burlesque performer Juicy D. Light, who is planning a fat flash mob that will take place in May.

Jobs and the Economy
–Solidarity economics, a forgotten practice of the black radical tradition: an interview with Jessica Gordon Nembhard.
–Swedish workers to test six-hour days.
–Watch Elizabeth Warren go after Paul Ryan for blaming unemployment on the unemployed. Love her.
–Here’s everything women could buy if they got paid the same as men.
–Important study finds that giving money without conditions to the poor increases both employment and wages.
-Good news: NYC becomes the largest city in the US with mandatory paid sick leave.

Things that made me sad today

I read this piece by Roxane Gay with trepidation; I love her writing, but from following her for a while, I’ve seen she’s conflicted about fatness in a way that’s hard for me to read. She often critiques fat-shaming while still buying into the ideas that fat is unhealthy, that weight loss is good, that thinner is better….and so I try to skip over anything she writes about weight. But then I read her piece about the Biggest Loser anyway.

I’ve read plenty of great critiques of the show, but this one makes it personal. Gay writes about her own struggles with her relationship to her body:

My body is wildly undisciplined and I deny myself nearly everything I desire. I deny myself the right to space when I am public, trying to fold in on myself, to make my body invisible even though it is, in fact, grandly visible. I deny myself the right to a shared armrest because how dare I impose? I deny myself entry into certain spaces I have deemed inappropriate for a body like mine—most spaces inhabited by other people. 

I deny myself bright colors in my clothing choices, sticking to a uniform of denim and dark shirts even though I have a far more diverse wardrobe. I deny myself certain trappings of femininity as if I do not have the right to such expression when my body does not follow society’s dictates for what a woman’s body should look like. I deny myself gentler kinds of affection—to touch or be kindly touched—as if that is a pleasure a body like mine does not deserve. 

 
It’s just heart-breaking.

It’s heart-breaking that she can so eloquently describe the pain of fat-shaming, both external and internalized, but doesn’t seem to see that there’s a (hard, imperfect, messy, but very real) way out.

To Gay, and to everyone else who is struggling, I want to say:

There is a way out.

There are options beyond hating your body, beyond denying yourself pleasure and beauty and love.

Body love, even body detente, isn’t always easy. It isn’t a linear journey. But it is a journey, one you can choose to take.

There are so many of us fat women–and men, and non-binary folks–over here, on the fat acceptance/fat justice/whatever-you-want-to-call-it-side, living our lives and treating our bodies as well as we can, whatever that means to each of us.

We’re here, having picnics and clothing swaps, dancing, painting our nails bright colors, wearing flowery dresses, practicing Health At Every Size, dating people who see the beauty in us, celebrating our undisciplined bodies and desires, refusing to buy into our culture’s twisted narratives about weight and health and worth.

Come join us.  We saved a seat for you.