It’s ok to be scared.

Over the last few days, this piece on the Boston Marathon bombings has been making the rounds on social media.

While I agree with some of the sentiments that Schneier expresses, I can’t get behind his basic idea: that we have some sort of collective responsibility not to feel afraid.

As the details about the bombings in Boston unfold, it’d be easy to be scared. It’d be easy to feel powerless and demand that our elected leaders do something — anything — to keep us safe.

It’d be easy, but it’d be wrong.  We need to be angry and empathize with the victims without being scared. Our fears would play right into the perpetrators’ hands — and magnify the power of their victory for whichever goals whatever group behind this, still to be uncovered, has. We don’t have to be scared, and we’re not powerless.

NO. Just no. We don’t “need” to be or feel anything. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, and there’s no right or wrong way.

It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to be angry, or sad, or numb. It’s ok to be all of those at the same time, or at different times.

It’s ok to feel however you feel.

What matters is how you act. The problem, FDR to the contrary, isn’t fear itself–it’s acting unthinkingly from that fear. It’s using fear as a justification to harm others.

I think that’s what Scheier’s trying to get at: that we shouldn’t let our politicians take away our freedoms in the name of fighting terrorism, and that we should defy the terrorists by continuing to live our lives. That much I can agree with.

But it’s not what he’s saying.

What he’s saying rubs me the wrong way, so badly.

So what I’m saying is this: feel however you feel. Acknowledge and respect those feelings, even if you don’t like them. Even if you wish you felt differently.

Feel how you feel, and then act from whatever strength you can muster–no matter how small.

Musical interlude

Boston, you’re my home: part 2

Copley Square, in happier times.

“I hope you understand, most of all, that you have failed. Because today in Boston there stands a great many people who are not afraid of you, who will go out and live their lives as they always have, and those people will infect others with their confidence, and soon this event will be a terrible memory that reminds us of how strong we are when we work together to rebuild and support one another — and how weak are those who would try to destroy our spirit.”
– Lesley Kinzel, Dear Terrorist: An Open Letter to the Person Who Bombed My City

Go read Lesley’s piece, all of it. It’s powerful and beautiful.

But when she mentions the terrorist’s potential home in Revere, keep in mind something she didn’t know at the time: that the man whose home was searched in Revere was not actually a suspect, but only a Saudi national who happened to be at the Marathon–and who was tackled by a bystander when he ran away from the explosions.

Tackled. For running away from an explosion, like any sane person–aside from first responders–would do. For running away while being Arab.

My Rageasaurus is immensely, immensely angry. It wants to punch racism right in its ugly face.

The rest of me wants you to read the following links:

“As a 20-something Pakistani male with dark stubble (an ode more to my hectic schedule as a resident in the intensive-care unit than to any aesthetic or ideology), would I not fit the bill? I know I look like Hollywood’s favorite post-cold-war movie villain. I’ve had plenty of experience getting intimately frisked at airports. Was it advisable to go back to pick up my friend’s camera that he had forgotten in his child’s stroller in the mall? I remember feeling grateful that I wasn’t wearing a backpack, which I imagined might look suspicious. My mind wandered to when I would be working in the intensive care unit the next day, possibly taking care of victims of the blast. What would I tell them when they asked where I was from (a question I am often posed)? Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell people I was from India or Bangladesh?”
– Haider Javed Warraich, Living Through Terror, in Rawalpindi and Boston

“The likelihood of some good emerging is strongest if we allow ourselves to live in this moment for all that it offers. The likelihood of not taking a wrong collective turn is strongest if we live with the grief long enough, deeply enough, to really feel it. The likelihood of uniting ourselves as members of the same community is strongest if we let that compassion extend to all those who will feel the ripple effects of this attack for long months and years, if we hold in our hearts both the victims and those who will be accused of causing their pain. Our only hope for pulling ourselves back together is to name the cycle and change its pattern.”
– Rinku Sen, How We Can Break the Cycle of Pain From Mass Violence

“As something as horrifying as this afternoon in Boston is literally unfolding, as we are worrying about loved ones who may be affected, we already have to worry about the consequences of backlash violence. We have to worry about the sensationalism in the media. We have to worry about being attacked because of the color of skins, the turbans or hijabs on our heads, the beards on our faces. I pray that people in the United States and beyond have learned something in the last 11 and a half years. I pray that the collective response to today will be drastically different from the knee-jerk racism that pervaded the days, weeks, months, and years after 9/11/01.”
– Brooklynwala, Prayer for Boston and an End to Racist Backlash

Boston, you’re my home.

I saw this on my way home from work today.

“Boston is where those students like me came of age. It’s where we met our spouses or significant others. It’s where we learned our craft. It’s where we connected with the friends and mentors we would have for the rest of our lives. Even if we can’t say we are “from” Boston we surely confirm when asked that we are “of” Boston. It remains in our blood.”
– Andrew Cohen, You May Leave Boston, But Boston Never Leaves You

“Perhaps it affected me even more than most of the worst stories I deal with for the simple fact that the bombers, whoever they are, hit right at the heart of one of the things that I, as a marathoner, hold most dear in my life, that inchoate jumble of pride, suffering, triumph, exhaustion and exhilaration that comes in the last mile of a marathon.  That place is sacred to me.  It is in that last mile that I have experienced one of the most transformative moments of my life, the moment at which I ceased to see myself as a puddle of a human being, a mess of weakness and flaw, and instead began to regard myself as something much more powerful, as someone who could tackle damn near anything and find a way to come out on top.

Strength, resilience, courage: that’s what the final mile of a marathon means to me.”
– Caitlin of Fit and Feminist, The Spirit of the Marathon Lives On in Boston

“I am a body of fast moving blood
inhaling you
taking you in like a tank.
I will consume your hate.

I will run straight into you
as if you were a finish line of joy,
picking up the fallen along the way
and you will never stop me,
you will never
stop me.”
– Scott Poole, To Run: A Prayer for Boston

“What wearies me is how often I have found myself stunned and silent in recent years. What especially wearies me is having such a finely honed vocabulary for tragedy.”
– Roxane Gay, Stunned Silence

Boston <3

I don’t have any words about what happened yesterday. It just feels surreal.

I was lucky to be safely at work in Cambridge, and everyone close to me is ok. My heart goes out to those affected. My heart breaks for my city and for everyone suffering. For the 8-year-old boy who died. A fucking 8-year old boy. I don’t know how to process that. I don’t know how to process what just happened in my safe, nothing-ever-happens city.

So here are a few posts I’ve read. Here is an image of New York’s beautiful solidarity.

And, for a break from the heartbreaking carnage, here’s a video of soft, cuddly baby goats.

(updated at 9:13 a.m. to add two links)

Bostonian fatshionistas, mark your calendars!

Three outfits featuring items I got at last year’s Big Thrifty: purple capris, silver velvet slipdress, black velvet blazer, and pink laser-cut skirt.

The Big Thrifty: A Day of Bargain Shopping for Fatshionistas  is coming up on May 4th.

From the event’s description:

The Big Thrifty is a one-day annual bargain-hunting fat clothing event happening 12pm-5pm Saturday, May 4th, 2013 at Unity Somerville, 6 William St. (edging College Ave.), Davis Square, Somerville, MA, just three blocks from the Red Line T station.

Pay $5 at the door and head toward fat thrifting fun! There will be tables and racks and bins of clothing sizes XL and up sorted by size. Items will be priced cheaply and easily (example: all tops, $3ea.; all items priced $.50-$10.00).

Who will this benefit? Besides all the shoppers reaping the rewards of fashion scores at thrift-tacular prices, we’ll be selecting a charity. After the May 2012 Big Thrifty, we sent $4,000+ to NOLOSE (www.nolose.org).

I went last year, and it was amazing! Not only was there a ton of cheap, awesome clothing sorted by size, but there was such a sense of community. It was wonderful being surrounded by friendly, fabulous fatties.

If you’re in the Boston area, I highly recommend checking it out! Also, I just donated four bags of clothing, so you’ll have a good chance of finding something that used to be mine. 🙂

Friday links, 3/8/13

Happy Friday! If you can, help restore Re/Dress. Rachel Kacenjar of Cupcake & Cuddlebunny and Sweettooth Couture has bought the store, and she has some awesome plans for it–including re-opening a physical location in 2014.

Environmental Justice/Sustainability
-This is really important and powerful: With climate change, a bad deal gets even worse for the global South.
–How climate change affects people of color.
–The children: why a generation is putting itself on the line for the climate. I have so much respect and admiration for these students.
–Australia officially blames climate change for “angry summer.”
–Supercapacitors may have the potential to change the world.
–Back to the land again: folk schools teach skills for modern-day survival.
-Some good news: the Sierra Club Beyond Coal campaign is halfway to its goal of retiring a third of the US’ coal-fired power, and
solar power is quickly becoming economically sustainable.
–Dancing the world into being: a conversation with Idle No More’s Leanne Simpson.
–Generational impacts of climate change: what will it mean for you?
-Have I mentioned I love Boston? I have a new reason to be proud of my city: the Higher Ground Farm, which will open this spring on the roof of the Boston Design Center and will be the world’s second-largest rooftop farm.

What good is a movement without songs?

Fa(t)shion
–Welcome to Sue Kreitzman’s wild and wonderfully colorful world.
-Check out the Curvy Elle, an Etsy shop that sells vintage plus size clothing.
-On the pressure for professional black women to dress “the right way,” that is, the way that de-emphasizes their femaleness and blackness.
-This winter wedding shoot features an amazing hat made out of roses.
-Check out the new issue of Skorch! As always, it’s full of fabulousity.

I love this fat Russian ballet company.

#FatshionFebruary, day 9: Snoooooow!

SO MUCH SNOW.

I took a walk around the neighborhood to check out the scene…

Where’s my ball? ….I think it’s under three feet of snow…

…and saw many frolicking dogs!

Friday Links, 1/25/13

This makes me so happy. (source: Living ~400 lbs.)

Lots and lots of links this week. For whatever reason, the internet has been unusually full of interesting. Enjoy!

Fa(t)shion
–5x DIY plus size Edwardian or steampunk costumes.
-I just came across the Etsy shop Youniquely Chic, which has gorgeous–and indeed unique–steampunk and industrial jewelry.
-Check out the DAMN GIRL THAT STYLE IS FAT! zine.
–What fashion’s “ethnic” prints are really called.
–My history with a headscarf.
-I like this Etsy treasury of galaxy-print things.
–Statement necklaces are the best.
–Geeky tees for Valentine’s Day!
-Betty Le Bonbon has an amazing collection of plus size retro clothing.
-If you’re in Cleveland, Ohio, you can shop Rachel Kacenjar’s closet. She has deeply discounted clothing mostly in sizes 12-24, and it all sounds fabulous–I wish I could teleport there!
–Feminist fashion frustration of the day.
-This crystallized prosthetic leg is gorgeous.
-So, I know this post isn’t actually about Kat’s tutu, but…PINK OMBRE TUTU. WANT.
–Stop commenting on my chipped nails.
-The new issue of Skorch Magazine is out!
-A woman at Arisia, a sci-fi convention here in Boston, made an amazing TARDIS dress. (Small world story: one of my coworkers is friends with her, and the coworker’s husband helped her paint the dress!) Unfortunately, some people have been insulting her size, which is idiotic and disappointing. She rocks, so much.

Fat Activism
–Falsely filling in the story: on the bullshit of assuming that a fictitious fat, disabled woman must have “brought it on herself.”
-If you’re in Brisbane, join other fabulous fatties for a Chunky Dunk swimming party!
-Also in Australia (Newtown) is the world premiere of a documentary about a fat femme synchronized swimming team.
-Huzzah for fat burlesque!
-Also huzzah for fat pole-dancing. That shit requires amazing upper-body and core strength. I’ve tried aerial acrobatics, which is similar, a few times–it’s really hard.
-And, even more awesome fat dancing!
-Lesley Kinzel answers the question, How can I stop believing my life will be better if I lose weight?
–The HAES files: from dieter to diet survivor.
-Reflections on Lena Dunham’s “thin for Detroit” remark.
-This story of a girl who almost died due to medical fat-phobia is terrifying. Just terrifying.
–Looking the part.

A store window display in New York

OOTD: All glammed up for date night

On Saturday night, Steve and I went out to Max Brenner, a chocolate-centric restaurant in Boston. I had vaguely heard of it, but didn’t have a burning urge to go there until I saw both Natalie’s post and someone else’s Twitter picture of a martini topped with marshmallows.

How cool is it that we have the same restaurant in both Australia and the US?

Here I am, glamming it up in the T (subway) station on the way there.

Dress: Dress Barn via eBay, petticoat: Domino Dollhouse, snow boots: gift from my mom, leggings: American Apparel, sequined jacket: Kohl’s, tiny hat and earrings: So Good, pearl necklace and rose bangle: H&M, silver bangles: Deb and Torrid, rhinestone bracelet: Forever 21