My friend Becca made this observation on Facebook the other day. There’s so, so, so much truth to it:
“What I hate about these blanket ‘Young people are idiotic narcissists because they’re been made to feel special just for existing’ pieces is that they are unlikely to affect the people who actually are idiotic narcissists. They are more likely to affect the people who already have low self-esteem, who have been treated badly by others merely for existing. Those are the people I want so fiercely to protect, because those people realizing their self-worth are so crucial to maintaining love and compassion in the world.”
HATE comments like that!
(The “oh your generation, everyone gets a trophy” snarking, not your friend’s comment. Your friend’s comment is very astute. I hate those comments not just because they’re hurtful but also because they’re just not true. If everyone my age got awards just for showing up, where’d mine go? Because I am not seeing them. And I WAS told I was special a lot — because at the time I was evaluated, diagnosed and going to special camps and teacher-training workshops for autism it was thought that autism was rare, autism with the ability to speak intact was super-rare, and that girls with that type of autism were maybe one in a million. Turns out autism, especially in girls, was just hella underdiagnosed back then … so a lot of women my age and a little younger probably grew up thinking something was horribly wrong and defective about them but they could never identify what it was. And the only thing worse than feeling like a freak is feeling like a freak but not knowing why, and always second-guessing your judgments or recollections of things.)
Yeah, the “everyone gets a trophy” bullshit erases the many ways in which ableism (racism, classism, sexism, etc) make so many people’s experiences just about the opposite of trophy-acquisition. It’s awful that you were made to feel like a freak for being a female, speaking autistic, and feeling like a freak without knowing why does sound even worse. Ugh.
Oh, I’m sorry, I guess I was unclear. I was actually diagnosed early, so I’m saying I avoided those things but now I know that lots of women didn’t.
(And now I’ve read your last sentence more clearly and realize you knew that. D’oh!)