1.) My birthday party on Sunday was amazing! I’ll put up some pictures from it eventually. We went to the beach, which was beautiful and full of shallows and shifting landscapes; then to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner; and then back to my apartment for general merriment.
One of my friends baked me a pink cake that was intended to look like Kaylee’s dress from the Firefly episode Shindig; another gave me three pins featuring My Little Pony, an angry cupcake, and Hello Kitty. My friends know and love me, and they are wonderful.
I am so grateful for my friends, for this community that I have.
2.) I am tired. I’m working long hours at my current temp job, which is also physically exhausting, and leaves me with little energy to do anything but crash when I come home. I miss yoga and running errands and generally having a life.
3.) Due to aforementioned exhaustion and long hours, I won’t be able to make it to the Energy Exodus next week.
I barely have the emotional energy to care that Yosemite is burning. I’m mostly just trying to get through the day, put one foot in front of the other.
I hate feeling like I’ve flaked out on all the people I started connecting with in the climate movement.
I hate that there are so many things I want to do, for both myself and the world; so many ways I want to contribute to building a stronger, more equal, more durable society. There are posts I want to write, projects I want to collaborate on, actions I want to attend, art I want to make, places I want to see. Instead, I just have to survive.
4.) This is how unjust systems perpetuate themselves: by making people too tired to act up and change things.
5.) I could write a million posts ranting about the economy, the job market, the insecurity and instability that’s being sold to us as normal. It’s not normal. It’s not ok. It’s chronic, life-force-sucking, soul-grinding stress.
6.) At the same time, I’m aware that I have a lot of privilege. I’m luckier, economically and otherwise, than a lot of people. I know that what seems like a new, harsh reality for middle-class people like me is nothing new to those who grew up poor and working class. I know that having shitty options is nothing new to people who never expected anything better. I know that even when the economy was “good,” a lot of people were hurting.
7.) I want that to change. There is so much promising work being done to work toward a better and fairer society (and oh yeah, to ward off planetary destruction). I wish I had the energy to plug into it. I wish that there were jobs that addressed all the work that needs doing. Hell, I wish there were jobs.
8.) I’m tired.
Tutus And Tiny Hats 
You probably already know this, but just in case you need a reminder: it’s ok if you’re too tired and stressed to do everything you want to do. *Nobody* can do everything they want to do, even if they’re blessed to have an abundance of free time that you currently lack. I am privileged to have free time, to not need to work while I am in college, and even I get stressed, too stressed to always be my most productive when it comes to making the world a better place.
The important thing to remember though, for both of us and everyone else involved in activist movements (however intermittently), is that we care. We are putting emotional energy into thinking critically about the problems in the world, and how activists may go about addressing these problems. This is important, just as important as the action that follows; without ideas, action is impossible anyway.
Successful activist movements involve many, many people who collaborate with each other; provide to each other what they have and others do not. Perhaps you do not currently have the time and energy to be involved much in direct action, for instance attending rallies and protests. You have been involved in this kind of activism in the past, and I certainly believe you will be again in the future, but for now, it’s ok for you to step back a bit and take on a more behind-the-scenes role as you rest from your work stress. What you are doing here, with your blog (and on Facebook and other social networking too) is important and helpful. You are sharing your passion, your ideas, your critique. Other activists who may have more time and energy for direct action, such as myself, can read what you write and post, and be inspired to do what we can to carry out your ideas and ideas of our own. I would *never* be as involved as I am in all the causes that I care about if it weren’t for you, and given how many followers you have, I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I understand your frustration, and feelings of helplessness. I’ve been there (I’m still there a lot of the time), and it sucks. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your efforts; you are part of communities of activists, so even if you can’t always finish out what you start, you are absolutely still making a difference.
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