I’ve always had a conflicted relationship with Valentine’s Day. On one hand, how could I hate a pink-and-red holiday that revolves around chocolate-worship? On the other hand, for the many many years I was single, it was just another reminder of what I wanted and hadn’t yet found.
Now I have a relationship, and it’s awesome. I’m happy for the opportunity to celebrate it, but I also want to keep in mind that this holiday can be hard for a lot of people.
For anyone who’s single and doesn’t want to be, there’s one post I can’t recommend enough: Kate Harding’s On Dumb Luck. I wish it were required reading for everyone, ever.
Single folks, here’s what I know: you are exactly what someone is looking for, and that someone is exactly what you’re looking for. You just don’t have a damned bit of control over when or where you’ll stumble across each other. That sucks a hundred kinds of ass. But you don’t have to be prettier. You don’t have to be better. You don’t even have to be patient, if you don’t feel like it. You just have to be.
There’s also the Museum of Fat Love–older version here, newer (although not recently updated) one here. It’s full of hope and happiness and proof that being fat doesn’t mean you’re doomed to spend your life alone, no matter how much society tries to convince you otherwise.
Which is not to say that being single is necessarily a bad thing. Privileging romantic love above all else is incredibly uncool, as Charlotte Green points out in her essay Stop Telling Me I’ll Fall In Love Again:
The point is just that I don’t want to be told that waiting for a new love to replace the old one is what should comfort me and get me through this time. How about that I’m cool on my own? That I have a lot to give to society and so much left to experience in my life, with or without a romantic partner? What about how great of a friend I am, or how cool my job is, or how fun I am to hang out with? What about all of the cool things that I can experience single because I don’t have to take another person’s desires into consideration when I make my choices? Sure, I’m sad, but I’m not looking to soothe that sadness by replacing it with a new relationship.